I may see a Tarantula and I have to get shots.

In the past I've talked about being in my prime; that at 55, I am in my own personal Prime Time. Prime Time is for all of us between the age of 50 and 70 (and beyond! who knows?). We've got so many strange and wonderful experiences behind us and we have EARNED our wisdom. (see my post from January) So, with all those happy and motivational thoughts, the next thing I came upon is CHANGE. Ohhh; with all this knowledge and ability to choose wisely, now I realize that many decisions will require a change in myself. You see, I am accutely aware of what and how I did things before...how I handled relationships, obligations, commitments, goals, obstacles and on and on. About 35 years, a entire lifetime, of gettin' it all together. Now, in my prime I know that to move forward I may...most likely...certainly will, have to change: me. I have been embarking on new work/career/income/creative projects for about two years now; navigating the prime of my life. Today I can tell you that when you make changes, big changes, changes to your environment, body, home, relationships, hair, shoes (whatever!) you will be immediately presented with the big, fat fears that have kept you from even considering these wonderful adventures in the first place! In 2006 I had the amazing opportunity to travel to East Africa. It would be in the category of "humanitarian" trip, visiting projects for clean water, schools, and micro-business being developed in Kenya and Tanzania. And it would include 3-4 days of awesome safari. I jumped at the chance! I was elevated, like feet barely touching the ground at the prospect of me going to Africa! Yes! Yes! Yes!...what? inoculations? how many? five?! shots? needles? oh. And my phantom phobia of big, hairy spiders!! jungle! banana trees! wide-open landscapes! they are everywhere! I just know it!

I had to get a grip. I had to change. Because I had to go to Africa; I had to sieze this opportunity and who I had been in the past just didn't belong there...wouldn't make it. I had just about two months to get things together for this trip. Perhaps the shorter time span is a good thing. Up against it with not much wiggle room. I finally came to terms with my own mantra: I may see a Tarantula and I have to get shots. Being in our Prime is a wonderful and actually, for me, unexpected opportunity and playground. I watched my mom, in her 50's and 60's and beyond and she really wasn't having that much fun. I think in this century, in this time we have cultivated more freedom to be, to express ourselves. I guess you could call it the Boomer Factor; our generation evolving like none before it. But watching my mom and other women going into that age group made it seem like effort and burden was up ahead. Then I landed here...and I am so grateful for who we have become, the choices and freedom I can have. Whew!! And there are changes to be made. To "get with the program" so to speak. I don't want to miss out! I still have flexibility, energy, curiousity and passion! And now I am older and wiser so why not go for it? I may have to change how I've done things in the past. I may have to change my attitude and beliefs. I may see a Tarantula and I have to get shots! How great is that?!!

Paddling Up and Down the Streams

I am in the midst of creating and organizing several new streams of income. I have to bring in a certain amount of income each month, or at least over the year, to maintain and supplement our expenses ("our" being me and my hubby). I am determined to do this by working from home and using my own inherent talents and skills, and other skills I have mastered over the years at other people's companies.

The main attraction of working from home, being independent, a "solo-preneur", is all the freedom you'll have. Working when it suits you, wearing whatever is comfy, time for the family and recreation. The hardest part of working from home, being independent, is realizing how little freedom I now have. Because I may be able to drift outside on my deck for a break, but my mind rarely goes "on break" anymore. With my income solely dependent on what I produce, my mind goes into overdrive to keep churning thoughts, ideas, strategies, plans, goals, products, services, advertising, and on and on. And then my heart or inner being or chakras or whatever the hell, balks and whines and gets my knickers in a twist because I long to "while away the hours, conversin' with the flowers". Perfect example is this posting right now. I want to get this down, posted on the blog. But I also want, at 7:00am to sit outside with my giant mug of tea and gaze over our backyard, watching the birds and cats. Is this a tug of war with my left brain and right brain? Are the left brain and right brain supposed to be at odds? I was hoping we could all just get along.

The other whacky part...and I say whacky because it just seems ludicrous, is that I KNOW about all kinds of wonderful things to counteract the muddle and spin. Why don’t I just do my yoga practice every morning upon rising? Because I’m stiff and sleepy and I’d rather wake slowly. See? So whiney! Is that the left or right or the soul of me? From time to time I must get down to the soul, sole, sol of me.

Morning musings are a good thing. Flushing out the sludge that coagulates from the dreams that either plaque or entertain me all night long. I don’t intend to make anyone groan by relating my dreams…oh, except this one: a couple of months ago I had a long dream that all the people of Earth realized that, “Matter doesn’t matter.” There was even a best-selling book, called something like “Who Needs the Planets?” And then I saw that we all just sort of spread out wide and thin and floated over the Earth, realizing peace and harmony. It wasn’t a huge religious or even spiritual experience – it was more just practical, logical. In my dream I saw a wide floating vapor, covering the Earth – and the vapor was just us, floating free.